WTF moment #2: Crapola

  Imagine these two half-moon, plastic pieces fitting tighter; snugly on top of a normal sized toilet. With no space between them. The one on the left is designed to catch crap in order to study its form. The one on the right collects urine, in the must-win war against dehydration. The concept purports to handle both excrements simultaneously.
   The reality, well ...

  You know sojourns to the hospital can be as frightening as enlightening — I experienced both during my recent stay at Moffitt Cancer Center, where my response to treatment has brought nothing but praise from the doctors and staff. (So why do I feel like crap half the time when the medical world considers me as Übermann?)

   Anyway during a night of, shall we call urgent necessities, I found myself staring at the evacuation receptacles atop my toilet only to wonder, rather rapidly, "Um, WHERE EXACTLY DO MY BALLS GO?"

   I never did get a decent response from the nurses (since my dilemma poses none for them); but if they really want to collect Scheisse and urine at the same time, then I can only say that female nurses are unaware of the problem and the manufacturer is either female or some kind of moron with an MBA in commode design who has never actually experienced the problem.

   It's so amazing, because the more you study the problem, the more complexities arise, especially sanitary sanctity because my immune system is below zero at the moment.

  But just look at the arrangement of photos and imagine the two snug to one another (as I dealt with briefly).
   Of course the other option to to try to separate the "hats" and allow 'all that is sacred' to dangle helplessly between two thin sharp pieces of plastic. Not reassuring.

  So I pragmatically took the pissoir portion of the commode and got rid of it. This allowed me to urinate freely and I gave the nurses an estimate of 4 ounces.
   The poop, well, I'm not sure what they were looking for, but I left that to them. But I'm sure of the two, number two was the more crucial 'element' to study. I just wish they'd put a little more thought on how the product is obtained.