Ouch, Canada!

   It had to be tough for Vancouver natives on Sunday. Not only did the champions of Canada's precious, lone pastime lose to the Americans, the Olympic wizards running the show cut off beer sales in town after the hockey disaster!
   "Jezzey Pete, how long is it until spring? Those freakin Americans need to go. I mean, half those medals they got are for showing off in that half-pipe, hot dog snowboarding and 'short track' skating nonsense, eh."
  Now there are two Canadians I am familiar with: Brian Burton of Kingston (I think), who I haven't seen in decades; and Teresa Laucis of Toronto, a good friend of my better half, so I hope they aren't taking the setback too hard.
   But the rest of the nation has got to be shakin' in their Roots boots at the prospect of finishing off the podium in hockey on their home tundra. Sacré bleu! Somebody get me a case of Moosehead, stat!
   So it got me to thinking about Canadians: those I like, those I could do without ever knowing aboot, and those whom I did not realize were Canuckers.
   Those I admire: Mary Pickford, Yvonne De Carlo, Ryan Gosling, Mike Myers, Catherine O'Hara, Martin Short, Dave Thomas, Dave Foley, Phil Hartman, Atom Egoyan, Donald Sutherland, Neil Young, Loverboy {yes ... I know}, John Kay, Mars Bonfire (aka Dennis Edmonton) and the rest of Steppenwolf, Maynard Ferguson, Oscar Peterson, Jeff Healey, Gordon Lightfoot, Dianna Krall, Alanis Morissette, Ellen Page and of course, Alex Trebek.
   William Shatner, Eugene Levy, Rick Moranis, Norm Macdonald, Michael J. Fox, Alannah Myles, Joni Mitchell, Sarah McLachlan and Kiefer Sutherland have their moments, but I've never been wild about them.
   I could definitely go on living without the knowledge of Brendan Fraser, Tom Green, Corey Haim, Monty Hall, Howie Mandel, Matthew Perry, Jason Priestly, Keanu Reeves, Kelly Rowan, Pamela Anderson, Elisha Cuthbert, Seth Rogan, Alan Thicke, Céline Dion,  Corey Hart, Lawrence Gowan, Jim and Andy Creeggan, Nelly Furtado, K. D. Lang, Chad Kroeger, Barenaked Ladies, the Band, Rush, and of course Shania Twain, Anne Murray and the increasingly annoying Avril Lavigne.
   I did not realize that these folks were from up nort: Hume Cronyn, Buffy Sainte Marie, Nia Vardalos, Natasha Henstridge, Caroline Rhea, Walter Huston,  Raffi Cavoukian, Jennifer Tilly, Lou Jacobi, Rachel McAdams, Kate Nelligan, Leslie Nielsen, Sandra Oh, Dorothy Stratton, Robert Goulet, Leonard Cohen, Shannon Tweed, Walter Pidgeon, Lorne Greene and Fay Wray.
   But Jay Silverheels and Christopher Plummer — are you kidding me? Tonto and Captain Georg von Trapp are Maple Leafhoppers? Get the puck outta here [I guess that should be 'oota here'] and leaf me alone, eh!