... but it's just such a funny word

photo by Niquinho on Flickr

  You know, trying to describe the likes of Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian brings up an interesting dilemma regarding "occupation."
   While tabloids and mainstreamers alike will make references to "heiress" or "trendsetter" or "entrepreneur," the real reason we are assaulted by every move these two bimbettes make is because of their previous public displays of fornication.
   So, Ms. Hilton, what is it you do?
   "I spend my parents money, bask in my hotness and, as everyone knows, fornicate in front of a camera. My boyfriend told me the video was 'just for him' and thank the Lord it wasn't. Since then people pay me thousands of dollars to show up at their parties or openings so all in attendance can whisper, 'Oh, that's Paris Hilton, she made a fornication video. It was all over the internet.'"
   And, Ms. Kardashian, how do you spend your time?
    "I clerk at a boutique, bask in my hotness and, as everyone knows, fornicate in front of a camera. My boyfriend told me it was 'just for him' and thank the Lord it wasn't. Since then I got a TV show and people pay me thousands of dollars to show up at their parties or openings so all in attendance can whisper, 'Oh, that's Kim Kardashian, she's known to fornicate in front of a video camera.'"
   Like I said, it's just a funny word, though I'll admit, hardly an Easter topic.
   A tad of transition here, because to include Kate Middleton's aspirations with the likes of the aforementioned would be much too vulgar.
   The branding pursuit of this limey lass [photo] was a bit more straightforward: bypass all the frogs and knock boots with a prince.
   I am already so sick with the amount of media coverage about the impending coupling of this pampered pair that I may not watch TV for about ten days.
   I mean how is it that we are supposed to be all agog about the union of a couple of pusillanimous Brits, adding yet another to the caste that must suck money from the poor in order to finance a glittering lifestyle?
  The wedding's price tag for British taxpayers: $48 million (and counting).
   Considering these stressful economic times, I find it so tasteless that the American media is focusing so much attention on such a lavish yet meaningless marriage.
   It's just royally rude.
   And please, girls, please don't tell me it's all about the dress.